The Cost of Change
I was talking to a friend over a drink. We were talking about shame culture. I remembered how useful shame was for me growing up. But I know it’s not “good” for me. As I age, the hardest part of living without shame was how much it feels like an offense to me - I’m not sure if I like it. But i know somewhere, that I need to heal, because I can’t seem to even make a decision without summoning some level of guilt in order to get the job done.
The cost of healing is ridding ourselves a part of us that we thought belonged to us
Drop what you have to pick up what you want
Soul Anatomy
The soul (psyche) includes the persona, ego, shadow, anima, complexes, archetypes and functions.
All combined is the Whole Self
Like a cell (self), the parts inside have a job to do for the system to function.
So who are we? We are the Whole Self.
Complexes
Complexes are hardened parts that form during trauma with a lower case “t” as well as Trauma with a capital “T”
The tricky part is that since complexes are made during trauma, we shut down during that time even for a moment - like a mental blackout. we forgot life before them, so we think they have always been here.
These complexes protect us but then over time, because they work for us so well, tend to take over.
The illusion is when we believe that we ARE our complex. The complex functions so well, it takes on a mind of its own and functions without our permission
And that’s the problem. It removes choice by restricting our movement through life. So when we want to change , progress, or even try something new - the complex that once protected now interferes. It removes choice
So we say fatalistic words like “oh well that’s life.” “That’s just who I am” “I guess God made me that way”
More about Me
For example - guilt helped me not make bad choices as a child, and young adult. That Guilt Complex, formed early childhood, certainly served me. And for a while I thought - this is who I am But then I realize that I cannot do anything WITHOUT using guilt as a motivator.
That’s not healthy - because it’s removing choice
I now see past the illusion, I realize that I am not my Guilt Complex and find a vigilante to “clean up this town” - if you can imagine the complex as a neighborhood within a city.
this feels wrong because for so long the complex is like a caregiver with bad habits and techniques, but for a time it served me.
But now - to grow beyond the complex is what it means to “die to the self” and be reborn
So all in all - cleaning up a complex is grief work. Brings up anger, shame, fear - but also healing and acceptance. This helps me with others too - living in an understanding manner. But ultimately, I become my MOST self, one day at a time.
May your story continue
